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Dear The Ones Who Love us,
Loving someone who is grieving is hard. I know that. I see that.
And I need you to know that your love matters more than you realize.
I know you don’t always know what to say.
Sometimes, neither do I.
I know you wonder if you’re doing enough, if you should be doing more, if I wish you would just stop trying.
And the truth is, I don’t always have an answer for you. Grief is a shapeshifter, changing form every day. What I need changes with it every day.
When it comes to grief, I don’t know much, but here is what I do know:
You being here means something.
Even when I pull away.
Even when I’m quiet.
Even when I seem fine and you’re not sure if I still need you.
I do.
I know it can be exhausting to love someone through grief.
I know you feel helpless sometimes, watching someone you love carry something so heavy, knowing that you can’t really lighten the weight of my pain.
I know you might feel like you’re failing me.
You’re not.
Grief is a lonely road but love makes it less so.
And the love I need isn’t in the grand gestures or the perfect words.
Love is you showing up again and again.
And again.
It is in the texts I forget to answer, the invitations I decline but still appreciate, the moments where we can talk and share stories and the moments when you let me be silent.
You don’t have to fix this.
You can’t fix this.
You are helping me carry it by just being here.
And I love you for that.
Thank you.
Love,
The One Who is Grieving
Olivia Harrell lives in Baldwin, Maryland, with her husband, two young children, and a Bulldog named Lola. She lost her brother, Griffin, to an accidental overdose from Fentanyl on September 25, 2023. Her monthly blog examines the twists and turns of grief and healing. Olivia loves to spend time with her family, make sourdough from scratch, and exercise. She is also incredibly thankful for the community of LITT and invites others with a similar loss to participate in LITT’s Sibling Support Group. For more information click here.
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