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Grief Comes When It Wants To
- Olivia Harrell
- Mar 24, 2025
- 2 min read
I was listening to a podcast recently, and the woman speaking said something that stopped me in my tracks: “Grief never hits me on the actual day. It’s never the anniversary or the birthday or the date marked on the calendar. It’s always random. Out of nowhere”.
I felt that. It landed in my bones.
Grief doesn’t wait for permission. It doesn’t show up neatly on the days we prepare for it. Instead, it most often sneaks in when we least expect it, in moments that seem ordinary—until they suddenly aren’t.
Grief decided to make an unexpected visit on my stepdaughter’s birthday.
I was focused on celebrating her in all the ways that make her birthday special. Suddenly, in the middle of her celebration, the grief hit. Hard. Not because the date itself held significance for my loss, but because it was another moment that my brother, Griffin wasn’t here to share. Another milestone he never got to see. Another reminder that
life keeps moving forward, and he doesn’t get to move on with it or with us.
I didn’t expect to feel grief that day. Grief doesn’t care what I expect.
So, I let myself feel it.
Truly feel it.
I sat with it. Reflected on it. Let it crash over me.
Until finally, slowly, I moved forward.
Not by pushing it away, but by carrying it with me.
Hearing someone else put words to that experience was like being seen in a way I didn’t even know I needed. It was a reminder that grief is unpredictable, messy, and deeply personal—but it’s also shared. Others do get this. And that matters because sometimes, the hardest part of grief isn’t just the loss itself. It’s the feeling that no one else
understands how it sneaks up on you, hijacks your day, and leaves you breathless.
But they do.
And maybe that’s the comfort I needed in all of this. That I am not alone in the randomness of grief, the weight of it, the way it lingers.
That somewhere, someone else is sitting with their grief too, feeling it, and then finding the strength to keep going.
Just like I am.
Olivia Harrell lives in Baldwin, Maryland, with her husband, two young children, and a Bulldog named Lola. She lost her brother, Griffin, to an accidental overdose from Fentanyl on September 25, 2023. Her monthly blog examines the twists and turns of grief and healing. Olivia loves to spend time with her family, make sourdough from scratch, and exercise. She is also incredibly thankful for the community of LITT and invites others with a similar loss to participate in LITT’s Sibling Support Group. For more information click here.
Your description of grief hitting during a birthday celebration really resonated with me, as our family recently lost a loved one too and those unexpected moments are the hardest. I've been exploring ways to process those feelings creatively, and I found that using an AI music generator helped me channel some of that emotion into a song that captures exactly what words cannot.
If you enjoy physics-based driving games, Drive Mad is worth a try. Every stage feels a little different and rewards careful timing.
I read this post about grief coming when it wants to and found it quite insightful because it beautifully captures how unpredictable and deeply personal grief can be, especially in the way it appears unexpectedly during ordinary, everyday moments rather than only on significant dates or anniversaries. The writer reflects on how grief can suddenly resurface in the middle of celebrations or routine life, reminding us that loss is not something that follows a schedule but something that exists alongside ongoing life experiences. It also emphasises the importance of allowing oneself to feel grief fully rather than suppressing it, acknowledging it as part of the ongoing process of healing and remembrance. Overall, the post provides a meaningful perspective on how…
I read the Grief Comes When It Wants To post and it felt honest and real how grief shows up out of nowhere in ordinary moments and hits you hard even when you aren’t expecting it, like on special days that should feel happy. One busy semester I was so stressed I actually used i need someone to take my online class that time just to finish early and make space for rest and long walks, and that helped me feel more present with hard feelings. your post makes me smile.
This is such a touching and honest reflection on grief. It’s so true that it doesn’t follow a schedule and often hits hardest during those quiet, reflective moments of the day. I’ve found that even during busy times or when I’m gathering with family as iftar time london approaches, that sense of loss can suddenly feel very present. Thank you for sharing this; it’s a gentle reminder to be kind to ourselves when those waves of emotion come unexpectedly.